Quoting Myself

Now and then., I think stuff up to amuse myself. I thought I should store them some place that is not my ipod. I will update this post as and when my precious mind comes up with something.

May 2012

"I'll tell you why my boyfriend and i are so happy together. I'm fat and he's blind."

"Poor will power is good for the human race. Otherwise I'd have killed myself long ago."

"My wishlist for today: Small breasts."

"I've come to conclude that my friends have an excellent sense of self-preservation. Not one of them has ever attempted to gift me a pink lunch box or a 'Hello Kitty' tote bag."

"I don't do toilet jokes. If someone has to use toilet humor to be funny, then they're in deep shit."

"Hell-ish is what you expect. Hell is what you get."

"When it comes to deciding whether or not to have kids in the future, 20yr olds can make the most informed decision. As you grow older, you forget what exactly teenage will be like for your children."

"I dread dining with my family at restaurants. It's like being put in a play pen and forced to play."

Mar-Apr 2012
"Predicting my life is easy. Anybody can do it. Just follow Murphy's law."

"Can I have a wedding and not have marriage follow it?"

"My hair has a life of its own. A friend called me Medusa."

"I fall in love all the time and fall out of it at about the same rate."

"I may be ahuman. You are asexual. Nothing beats asexual. Who has more fun -- Pigs or amoeba?"

"I'd rather be called a bitch than a slut. The bitch is also heartless but she calls the shots."

"Truth constantly looks you in the eye; only you ignore it for the breasts."

"Be careful never to introduce to your friend the concept of a 'parasitic relationship'. Whatever you say can and will be held against you."

"I think people have children because shoes, robots, sex and cars amuse them no more."

"Your life is mapped out in Indian culture. The only unpleasant surprise can be either your being sterile/ impotent or your having a baby girl."

"No, no. I'm sure he can handle it. The man's got a peach for a heart."

"He knows way too many of my secrets for me to betray his."

"A mother names her baby. In actuality, she's getting to rename 'barbie'."

"There are three good ways to get endorphins into your system: great food, sex and exercise. I'm fat and unattractive; Guess what i had for dinner."

"I like being alone. Reject them before they reject you."

"My ex-boyfriend accused me of using him for sex. The times we live in. Sigh."

"Music breaks linguistic barriers with its depth and breadth. It also helps breed bigots and purists."

"You're not the most unlucky person in the world. You're not an atheist named Saddam or Osama."

"Be careful when using analogies in an argument. Your opponent  may just extrapolate them till they break down."

"It's not difficult to lose a good friend. If a fight doesn't do it, sex will."

"If i were to treat all my mishaps as bad dreams, I'd have to assume that I'm comatose."

"Denmark is the happiest country in the world. Research says so. Did they check the air for nitrous oxide?"

"Sarcasm doesn't stem from happiness or deep sadness. Boredom is the word you're looking for."

"Indians will do just fine in hell. weather wise at least."

"Every action engenders consequences. It is only within our minds that we truly are free."

"They love using turmeric in every item of their food. They either own a turmeric farm or just love jaundice."

"Nature isn't always cruel. Look at all those sexy bald men."

"You must stop talking. I'm dying."

"I like you. You don't get sarcasm at all."