Monday, January 25, 2010

A Proud Pessimist

In a sweet but angry exchange, one of my close friends today said, "Don't be such a pessimist."

I was not offended at all. I hadn't thought out that label till now but i think i like it. It fits me. I'm gonna talk a little about myself today. Let's see how i came to earn this label. First things first, i don't trust people or even dogs, for that matter. But i always thought it'd be more fun that way -- keeping your senses sharp for any anomaly. Helped me in a huge way over the years. I'm what .. 19 now ? And i'm comfortably happy.

Pessimism, as i see it, is not a bad thing. It spells trouble only when u begin to anticipate breaking your leg on ur way to the kitchen. Pragmatic Pessimism is something i'd prefer. I did a little reading and found there is nothing as 'pragmatic pessimism' .. only 'pragmatic optimism'

Are people so devoid of real-time happiness in their lives that while they're scared to be stupid (optimistic), they want to rationalize things by prefixing a 'pragmatic' ? .. Which is why i find more truth in pragmatic pessimism: where u are practical (which is ALWAYS better than the worst) but the fact that things will turn out worst-possible will always run at the back of your mind. If u have learned to control your calm, i don't see why not employ a few more grey cells to keep track of the possible worst.

You're now wondering my definition of "pragmatic" is laced with optimism which i plan to trash anyway ? I thought that too. But then practical-pragmatic is weighing the nice-bad logically, right ? A how screwed can anyone's real-time chances get ?

What did i get out of being pessimistic pragmatically ? I can choose to be indifferent / vulnerable. Believe me, those two mental states dictate most of ur emotions. I like myself, this way .. i think

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Either Or

Today i removed the page element which provided links to blogs my friends kept. Most of them had either deleted his / her blog or stopped updating. I don't understand why. Lol .. May be i'm too jobless that i keep a regular blog ?

I am a cow

Happened a couple days ago. 7 30 am. On my way to the bus stand. calm, clear morning. I'm all fresh with just washed, still wet hair. I'm walking along the roadside (there's no pedestrian pavement). Out of nowhere, i hear the blaring horn of a motorbike speeding up the road.

The road was 10ft wide and i was off the tarmac ! .. The fucker would blow the horn till he reached the next corner .. WTF .. And i starting wondering if i was a cow .. If u haven't guessed, i ll tell u why

The horn originally fit in vehicles so as to help easy navigation when drivers came across stray animals or animal crossing. A loud horn would scare the poor farm animal off into the oblivion hence clearing the road for the vehicle. But in India, the horn serves any function but that. We here have 1000s of different horns to fit the owner's personality. Hence a motorbike can sound like a truck charging and a truck sounds like it's got ten horns mounted all being blown at once !

What did the fucking biker think when he came down the street blowing the horn ? Did he expect me to just fly and vanish into thin air the moment i saw him coming ? Or did he think i would jump right into the middle of road cos i was unusually fond of hurting myself in automobile accidents !

So much has this issue progressed that average, non-thinking citizens of India no more respond to horns. A bunch of ppl might be walking in the middle of the road and 20 seconds of blowing a horn gives u about a 40% chance that they ll turn around and move out of the way ! Wonderful, don't u agree ?

Where will this stop ? .. How much louder do they intend to make the horns ? Till majority of the population is deaf ? And since "cow" features in the post's title itself, let me tell u something very interesting about these meek, dumb creatures : When in India, u spot a cow lurking on / along a road, ur best chance to get around / past it is by NOT blowing a horn because if u do, the cow ll stand still till ur 2 seconds away from it and then it ll mostly stick it's hip or it's head outside just so it can get blood on ur bonnet / windshield.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"We'd rather do porno"

No. I did not say that. Here's what happened - Lab got over. It was 5'o clock and the lab teach was done picking on me :) .. I head out n shed my coat only to done my pathetic dupatta. As s and r watch, i mutter, "If any one of u becomes the vc someday, please ban dupattas. Good for us (girls) and good for you (boys)."

But they weren't gonna let go easily.
R : No way ! .. i wouldn't become the vc even they begged me to.
Me : So, u don't wanna be rich ?
S : There are better ways to get rich. Not like this !
R : Yeah .. you're right .. We could feature in a porno movie than become the vc.
[ S shows no reaction. So i'm genuinely puzzled. But turns out he hasn't listened to what R had just rattled out]
Me : S, did u even hear what he just said ??
R : I said, we could feature in a porno than become the vc

S's face, now, becomes so grotesque, it's beyond embarrassment. The discussion prematurely ends with s and me asking r to shut up. But i think r would've wanted to discuss which female artists they should include in the movie. As far as i'm concerned, i'm happy that r didn't want s n him co-starring. Phew

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Almost Worthless. Almost.

Real Date: July 16, 2011.

Today, in fact until a few minutes, i wanted to die. I've mentioned before that my desire to live life exceeds everything else. Today it didn't. Today the reason was the memory of my mother; The only person whose life i actually affect, affect it enough to make me love her as much as i do.

I'm fat and ugly at times but she continues to love me.
There have been times when i hurt her, really bad but she continues to love me.
There have been times when she hurt me, real bad but i continue to love her.

Last time she recalled how when i was born to her, i was the most beautiful and smartest and not to forget, the most responsive doll she'd ever been presented with. She took it as her life's goal to educate me, to enlighten me, to strengthen me in a world which largely enervates you.

I cried after reading "The French Lover" by Taslima Nazrin. I felt so bad for the mother in the book. I go out of my way to not ever treat my mother that way. I'm not always successful; For all those times, i'm so sorry. I love you, mamma. Love you truly. You saved me again, today. Muax :)

It's because of her i have dreams today, i aspire to live life; She introduced me to the concept of ambition and living life. She's seen a lot in her life; It's so uncanny that i'm able to smell her aloo parathas right now even though she's miles and miles away from me. Today the group of kids she's trained to dance for a folk song are performing today. She sounded happy today. I love it when she's happy. I love my mother.

About the title, it's about my life.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


I really don't understand how 18+ year olds derive any pleasure by putting up foolishly optimistic quotes. one went like, " Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." .. Aren't we too smart to be taken by power quotes like these .. I wonder why people are so afraid of being practical. Take crap as it comes without sugar-coating it.